Fiction. For Now.

Taking the tablets, and i know once more I'm done;
Another day will fade away, another hope is gone.
Taking back the little pills that drive me far from home
I realise there's nothing good in my eyes, and at last i am alone.
Taking the tablets one by one, all the joy is gone.
This is not fun.

It used to be they made me free.
They used to take away the pain.
They once gave joy to this lonely boy,
But now there's nothing left to gain.

The tablets sting. My senses sing.
My hand shakes as i head for the door.
I make it halfway across the room,
Then I'm a dead weight on the floor.

I hope I'm gone, once and for all.
I hope this world's been wisked away.
I hope that was my final fall,
And that my soul will escape today.

I'm tired of this existance.
I'm tired of every pain it brings.
I'm tired of the fear in every year,
Of the worthlessness that New Year brings.

Let me escape! Let me be free!
Let me fly to the sky where i can be me!

*

And in some hours I'll wake up.
Pick up the chair i stumbled across.
I'll brave the night for one more fight,
And tell myself that I'm my boss.

I'll tell myself that I'm in charge.
That I'm living the good life. Living it large.

And then, when morning comes again,
When i lay down another empty pen,
When another day is in the sky
I'll try once more to die.